I always do something special for my birthday. It’s a special time. It’s my personal new year, a time to reflect on what has passed this year, and plan for the next year. My birthday happens to be at the beginning of fall. This time of year also feels like a time of shedding, letting go, in order to bless the new. I always feel a small twinge of sadness around this time of year. I love summer so much. The sun is so full and bright, we get stretched wide open. Letting go has always been harder for me.

This year, I spent my birthday in the woods. On the evening before my day, I had a small ceremony to release the past, along with a ceremony to bless the future. The next day, I knew it was time to plan my next year. I like to write out my intentions for the new year. But this year, something didn’t feel right. The old ways of creating seem to have lost life. Something new had to take its place.

I felt something hot and silky well up in me as I opened to the possibility of creating in a new way. The structure that before felt vibrant and powerful had lost life. As we change, our expressions must change.

I’ve been playing around with allowing my body to guide my decisions. What does my body need to eat today? I find my hands reaching for what will be most nourishing. What stretches or exercise do I need most? I find my body reaching for a yoga mat or running out the door for a hike before my mind has the chance to catch up!

So on my birthday, I asked my body what it wanted to create. I asked my deep self what was needed here. I asked, how can I bring my whole self forward into this new year? How can I live with a full heart and with joy? My body felt overjoyed that I would ask such questions! And immediately I started to move. Then my head caught up.

“I need to build a spiderweb in the forest”. I need to weave together all the things, feelings, beauty I want to create.
An aside: a few weeks before my birthday, I kept waking up with bug bites (on my arms, feet, ankles, and legs). Long story short, I found out they were spiders. To me, spider represents creativity. It represents a weaving together of many things. Spider is the keeper of language. This energy had been building up inside me. So much that it was starting to bite me! I realized I needed to harness some of this powerful creative energy and focus it towards something.

The process of creating this web took almost all day. The first web I built didn’t look so great. I tried to go about it logically. I tried to map out in my head how the strings would tie together. I overthought the process. I didn’t allow my body to take the lead. I allowed my head to carry me. It didn’t go well.

I also completely underestimated the amount of string I had. I made the web small because I thought I might run out. I underestimated the creative substance I had. I believed I had less. I was wrong.

So I tore apart the old web, spun my thread back on, and started again. Before I did, I happened across an actual spiderweb. It was fresh, a happy spider sitting in the center, still and contemplative. I sat with her. I soaked a bit in the energy of that spider. I studied her web.

Then I started spinning my web. I pulled from five points around the forest. I gathered the strings together in the center to create a strong center point. That was the nexus. From there, I spiralled outward in each direction. It took a while. I didn’t run out of thread until it was time.

It was magic. I then tied oak leaves to the web with sacred words written on them. Each leaf had a different word: joy, magic, expansion, love, peace, etc. I then asked the forest for some feathers. I walked around and found two crow bodies. Crow has many meanings for me. For now, I’ll just say it has to do with magic. I tied on some crow feathers and bones to bring in some crow magic and wisdom.

Lastly, I tied on turkey feathers. Turkey represents the giveaway, the act of giving from the deep place of the heart. This web was an act of gifting. It wasn’t for the sake of making something beautiful or something I could put on my wall. This was an act of creating for the sake of creating. Turkey represents giving away that which is most valuable to you. Because when we give from the deepest part of ourselves, without expectation, there is magic. It creates a love-vacuum.

I left the spiderweb there, in the forest. Made of all natural materials, it will eventually decompose into the earth. My intentions have been released into the hands of nature and the universe. I’m allowing the natural unfolding of life to spring.