A healer once told me that I was eating too much sugar. “You’ll stop craving sugar when you find that deeper sweetness within”, he said with the smile of someone who knows the Universe’s secrets, but is in no rush to let them fly out.
I’m still figuring this out, but I think it goes something like this…
We are all aching for sweetness. We are aching for tenderness. All of us, our hearts are made of the most fragile, living, breathing, moist, tender things. I don’t care who you are, at our most naked, we are all dying to be loved by this world. Whether it’s from the feel of another heart thumping against yours and only yours, or witnessing the leaves of a tree play with rays of sunlight. We want to be seen, heard, and taken into the arms of this world in every way we can. That’s the sweetness we’re craving.
We are aching to love and be loved. When you fall in love with the moon, the moon loves you back. She is yours. When you fall in love with the wind, it simply LIVES to play with your hair and whisper in your ear. Our world is dripping with love. When we let ourselves fall into it, we taste only sweetness.
I have been fooled. I have taken sweetness that is wrong for me. I have believed love only comes in some forms. Upon further investigation, many tears, much softening, I can tell you this: Love, Sweetness, is everywhere. It is in any moment that we allow ourselves to sink into fully. It is in a flower that we look at long enough to see its miracle. Sweetness is inside of the hunkering down, the lowering of bones to earth so we can hear the tiny beings move. It is in the slowing down, the reaching in.
I have spent so much time racing after false sweetness, half-loves, and other things that have left me still hungry and even more tired. I still falter. But I know in me, there is a deep sweetness. I know at the deepest part of my heart, is an ocean of love so deep, if spilled it would fill every crevasse of the infinite Universe. Oh, but I forget sometimes.
Returning to sweetness, for me, always carries a twinge of sadness. First there is the terror of giving up the race. The frantic running feels like the only thing keeping me alive. What if I give this up? Who will I be? Oh, but eventually I lay that down. Underneath the tight clenching, there is always sadness.
I am sad because I left love. I feel sad because I’ve been separate from my own heart. It’s as if I’ve been living with my heart outside of my body. Coming back to sweetness requires I confront this bittersweet homecoming. Happy because I have my heart again, sad because I even thought to leave this place. I think, “how could I?” “What’s gotten into me?” There are usually tears. It’s like when two people who love each other more than earth and sky meet again for the first time in years…only sweeter.
The sweetness under the terror and sadness is medicine. It is exquisite. It is an ache in my heart like the echoing walls of a canyon. So deep, so wide, any river could rush through. It is a sweetness that feels like disappearing into the sky. It is of being so fully a part of this world, that everything is in me, I am in everything. How could anyone want anything in a state like this? In the softening of my heart, I become the Universe. I am held, loved, and infinite.
This is what I know about sugar and sweetness. And I am still learning. It’s the season of cookies and treats and sugary drinks. Enjoy. You are human. In between bites, can you sink below the storm of emotions and into the deep sweetness of your soul? Can you let yourself be held in the One who loves? Please do.
Need a little help? Check out my workshop, Kundalini and the Ocean of Oneness on 12/6. We’ll dive in together.
Be good to yourself, sweetheart. Try some tenderness while you’re alone. Rub some rose oil on. Burn sweetgrass (my favorite). We are all doing our best.
PICTURE INFO: The art pictured in this post is by Emily Stout, poetry by Kaylin Haught. If you’re interested in purchasing a print, email me, and I will connect you with the artist.
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