About five years ago, a relationship ended that left me in pieces. I swayed from broken, to numb, to terrified, to angry, until finally ending up in a heap, wet with tears on my bedroom floor. Hopeless, alone, and deeply wounded. From where I sit now (and some wise parts of me knew then, too), I see that this moment was an initiation. It was the moment I stepped onto a new way of being. Really, the path chose me. If I wanted to live through that experience, a new road HAD to be forged. There was no other way.
Leading up this heartbreak, I was a bit of a mess. I was diligently trying to move away from a past filled with depression, anxiety, and addiction. I still had a way’s to go. I was moving in the right direction. But this heartbreak, this end was a culmination of all of my sh*t. All the things I was running away from, all the issues from my past, all my addictions, all my shadow stuff – it hit the fan. I was broken. And broken in the truest sense. I was utterly split open. Parts of me tried desperately to try to hold on to what was dead. I held tight to old patterns, beliefs, habits like they were life rafts. But they had huge, gaping holes. I was sinking.
It took me a very long time to dig myself out of that hole. It took me a long time to unpack that moment, those months, those years. I know I’m not done yet. But from where I sit now, I see it was an absolute GOLDMINE. The explosions that took place in my life that year split open the earth below me to reveal TREASURE. Shining treasure. It has unearthed my real work in this world, my dharma. It has unearthed my gifts, what I deeply crave giving to this world. It has unearthed my beauty, a sense of resting in my purest state and recognizing the absolute radiance in that. It has unearthed a volcano of creativity that I am still trying to catch up to. Woah.
Arguably, the most interesting thing this has unearthed is a unique set of spiritual practices that feeds me on the deepest level a human can be fed. I have never been interested in following a religious tradition to the T. It’s not for me. My path (likely like so many of you reading this) is a smattering of those things from many traditions that make me feel alive, that call me home to my deepest places. The Lakota practices I learned from my mother and her teachers when I was a girl and a young woman – I learned about how to connect to the power of the land and the natural world. I learned about how to read the signs of nature, how to use earth as a tool for divination and connection. The Peruvian shamanic practices I learned years later to bring light into the body – to become “homo-luminous” as they say – this as a way to shed our old cocoons so that we may become who we came here to be, and to help others. And of course, the Kundalini Yoga practices – which for me, have the been the secret key to unlocking these learnings from my younger years. This practice clears the body on a deep, muscular level, allowing you to release from your body the memories from this life and others that keep you constrained, and keep you from living.
These two practices – earth based medicine (from Native cultures around the world) and Kundalini Yoga have moved me through things that would have otherwise taken LIFETIMES to clear. I am so incredibly lucky to have them both in my life. And the time has come to share this with others. The way I’m doing that is currently through my private sessions, e-courses, and retreats. These offerings are the vessel for me to share with you everything that has so significantly changed my life. The time has come. That is clear. We are here to free each other, and to help walk each other home. That’s it.
So here’s what I would like to share with you today. There is so much, but this piece will have to do for now.
One of the things I started doing during this heartbreak/upheaval/initiation was keeping an altar. I had done this off and on for most of my adult life, but I got serious. I’ve never stopped since. Before this, my altar was filled with nice things that reminded me of spirituality and connection and the divine. Yeah, it was NICE. That was the problem. Nice has no power. Nice is airy fairy and doesn’t support you when sh*t hits the fan. So I got into it.
One important thing to know about creating an altar is that you are taking the formless into form. You are bringing the Infinite into the finite. Sometimes we think this is bad because it limits the Infinite. Sweetheart, that’s not possible. By bringing the Infinite into a tangible form, you bring in power. You get to work with this energy. You get to work with love, or with your anger, or with grief in a real way. In the physical, not just in your mind. If it all stays abstract and Infinite, we can’t touch it, we can’t feel it, we can’t embody it. We ARE finite beings, in the way that we are finite beings. There is medicine in working with that.
Try this: find in yourself whatever pain, separation, lack, etc. you are experiencing right now in your life. It can be big or small. Find an object that represents this thing. For example, you might choose a black rock for feelings of depression. You might use some small object like a statue or trinket to represent someone who has left your life. It can be anything. The object just needs to make sense to YOU, no one else. Place the object in your hand and imagine all your feelings, thoughts, senses, emotions, beliefs, EVERYTHING funneling into this object. Let this object FILL with everything you feel about this thing, person, situation. You might need to do this a few times, throughout the day, week, month, decade. You might need new objects to use when one feels full. Unload your burden. Place the object(s) on your altar if you have one. If you don’t, place it on the WEST side of your home. Find a little nook or shelf or something on the west side and leave it there. The west is for releasing, for letting go, for facing your fears, for going into the shadow. It is the place of emotions. The west takes what is ready to die. Your altar or the energy of the west will work out this energy for you.
I did this practice almost daily for a very long time. I still do it when I’m going through a rough patch. There is incredible power in using objects, ceremony, and the earth to transmute old, draining energy.
If this kind of practice interests you, please consider joining me on the shores of Lake Superior this September for my retreat. This is the first time I’ll be taking people through some PROFOUND healing ceremonies. This above information only scratches the surface. We’ll be doing big work there. And the beauty of it all, is that when we connect to the earth, to each other, to the Masters, it is easy. It is freeing. It is LIGHT. I hope you’ll join us…we’ll walk out into the wild, together, to remember the light beings we came here to be.
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