I’ve suffered from the “please like me” dis-ease, in varying degrees of severity, for as long as I can remember. I’ve been bending backwards when I want to fold in. I’ve been saying yes when I desperately needed to say no. I’ve been carrying someone else’s weight because, yes, my back is strong. I’ve been giving away my heart, my love, my everything because yes, I have a lot of it. Much of this is part of being a lover, but much of it is out of the need to be loved and liked.
Truth is, we’re hungry for love. We come into this world soaked in it. Truth is, we’re still soaked in it. But the love’s been diluted. We’ve filled up the bath water with the mud of self-mistrust, the dirt of self-doubt, not-good-enough poison. We’re sitting in a bathtub of love and somehow still dying of thirst.
Every time we say yes when we need to say no, we dilute ourselves. You are only one person. You are magic and you are strong and powerful, but you are human. An you cannot always say yes to everything. Girl, clean your water. Reclaim the love you came soaked in.
There is a way of saying no that stops the pollution. There is a way of turning in to your own needs that clears the river. A way of redirection. A way of erecting a screen around you that keeps the contaminants out so that you can flow clear and bright. Just like the lakes, just because something looks good on the outside, doesn’t mean it is good. We have countless invasive species that have invaded our natural spaces, thrown ecosystems out of balance in ways that may never be restored. So just because something seems natural and alright at first glance, doesn’t mean it is: the “good on paper” idea. Trust the watery knowing in your own bones. Trust the gut level “uh huh” (yes) or “uh uh” (no). That fierce animal who lives in your belly. She knows what clears the river.
I see too many women (men, too), dying of “please like me” dis-ease. Sisters, heal yourselves or it will ravage your life, your health, your heart, your families, your communities. Left to run rampant, it will kill our wilderness. It will keep children starving. It will begin more wars.
Not every person will like you. Not everyone will see you. It’s not worth your time to try to shine for someone who does not have eyes to see you. It is a waste of your light. The way to heal is to take back your NO. To stop the doing in an attempt to gain, to be seen, to be accepted, to be liked. There has to be a pulling inward, a clearing of the water. A cleanse that returns us to the original Love we’re made of. Bathe in that first. Fill up. We do this by pulling in those strands of energy that are turned outward, towards other people. Those energy strands that are pulling on others to see us, accept us, remember us, love us. Cut them. Yes, all of them. What’s real will remain. What’s healthy will stay in place. Don’t worry. Allow your own energy to return to you. It feels scary at first because we’re all so used to receiving recognition from the outside. Feel that wobble, that panic. Breathe through it. This part may take some time. But when we’re done, we can feel ourselves fill again with that watery love, that sense of deep satiation.
Now from this place ask yourself “what do I say yes to?” “What maintains this sense of being full, alive, in love, present, joyful?” From this already-full place we can more clearly see how to keep our rivers clean and moving.
And sisters, when we are clear, when our currents are strong, we are unstoppable. Water carves canyons, it brings valleys to life. It’s lack can devastate nations, starve people. Be a life-bringer. The ONLY way to do this, is to tend your own sacred river of love first, before anything else. It’s the only way.
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