A conscious life requires great vigilance. From the outside it can look neurotic, antisocial, or even lazy. But here on the inside, we know we are making the grandest, most profound moves of our lives. We feel it in our sinew that are legs are moving us towards our mountain peak. We are on the right path.
Everyone seems to have an opinion about how you should live your life. When we delve into the world of “self-improvement” we notice this instantly. Even outside this realm; our mothers, our fathers, our friends, our therapists, the grocery clerk, EVERYONE has advice. And if you’re like me, and fully believe that everyone has SOMETHING to teach you that no one else can, this can get confusing. What pieces are the gold? What advice am I moving away from out of fear? Or what advice am I taking to heart simply because it is culturally accepted, it’s trendy, it’s how everyone else is doing it?
I have moments sitting alone in my room where I feel the voices of a thousand people around me swirling. I feel myself at the center of this tornado. Everyone has words they want to tell me that they think I can’t live without. I feel crazy. I feel out of control. And most of all, I feel like I can’t hear myself. It’s maddening. I am completely disconnected from myself in these moments. My neck is tight. My ears are constantly ringing. My hair feels like it’s standing on end constantly. I am so sensitive to each and every word. I feel like my limbs are stretching out past my body. I feel hollow and like a ghost.
Then I remember a Gertrude Stein quote I read many years ago that spoke to me so deeply at a time when I hearing every voice in the world but my own. It goes, “let me listen to me and not to them”. It’s true, everyone has wisdom. Even, and especially, when they are not trying to give advice. But if we cannot hear the resonant and shining voice of our own hearts, it’s useless.
I say, let all the voices fall to the ground with a thud. Watch them try to rush in, watch them hit a wall and fall away. Press out a forcefield of quiet, of your own hearing, your own knowing, all around you. Let it bubble out. It’s clear, quiet, and all your own. Feel your scalp relax. Feel your belly drop it’s forever gripping. Let the space between the ears widen. Feel your neck drop in to the sweet hum of your own voiceless and wordless knowing.
This is the space of knowing, of intuition. This space is wild and wide and free. If it has been a long time since you have spent some time here, just rest. Maybe for 5 minutes, maybe for 5 years. You know what’s needed. When it’s time to move out and let the wisdom of others in again, you’ll feel a coming out, the way a snail moves out of it’s shell. It’s a muscle curiosity. Like a gentle and almost unnoticeable pull from the center of you.
Most of us (especially you sensitives) living in this loud and talking-head-filled world need more time to rest this space between the ears. One way to bend time and create a more lasting and profound sense of this is through Kundalini Yoga. If you want to explore this further, check out my workshop coming up on intuition and the guru within.
In the meantime, keep listening to you, and not to them.
With Formless, Wordless Blessings,
Nicole
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