A few years ago, I had some big inspiration come through. A creation worthy of near total devotion. A clear purpose towards which to funnel my often obsessive and intense passion.
For the past 3+ years I’ve been partially avoiding it. Becoming who you are can be fucking scary, but you can’t really close those doors once you’ve glimpsed beyond. Purpose stalks you like a starved mountain lion until you let it gut you.
I’ve found distraction, profound growth, renewed devotion in my avoidance: plant medicine explorations, world travel, beautiful men + unbelievable sex, divine kinship, and other kinds of learning only gained by living.
I see the evolution of a soul as a spiral. In no way is it linear. There’s no 3 step process to waking up, becoming who you are, finding your way. It’s an infinitely intelligent, often chaotic spiral through the wilderness of your own soul.
And there are familiar patterns present if the eyes are seeing. The same lessons often repeat, just with greater altitude. Archetypal currents run just below awareness. We spiral upwards into a higher perspective. We witness the sweet little human dramas created, holding the beautiful messy perfection with infinite tenderness. We’re all just complicated animals after all.
And so I find myself in a similar place that I was about 15 years ago, when I first began my work: innocently distracted by delicious things, learning by living, trusting the spiral of life to take me where I’m meant to go. It can be a whole lot of fun to forget you’re God, but that story gets old after a while.
At this turn of the season, at this point in my ever-evolving spiral of unbecoming and becoming…I am ready to live the prayer: work is love made visible. Ready to fail and fly. Ready to be gutted by purpose. Responsibly obsessed with creating beauty, with service. Devoted to the big vision. Ready to take none of it, and all of it, very seriously.
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