Only if you are very lucky will you be born with chaos close. Only if the stars row up single file to pour their magic into you on the day you are born, only if your first breath synchs perfectly with some greater rhythm, will you have a taste of this madness. It’s the kind that pulls you breathlessly in every direction. It makes every desire and want an open wound. It makes every longing an aching moan, loud enough for Jupiter to hear. Yes, if you are very lucky, you’ll be born with chaos.
This is maybe just something I tell myself to make me feel better. Yes, I suppose that could be. What the hell, we are constantly creating our own mythologies, so this is mine.
Chaos, madness, a certain kind of crazy, of living in the thunder of life – this is power. It signifies a connection to life force, to vibrancy, to the sacred. The sacred is not always pleasant and light and fluffy. Sometimes she is roaring and pounding. Sometimes she is is bright and hot and chaotic.
I say, hold your madness closer. Take her hand. Let her pull you far off your righteous path, into the wilderness. Let her roar into your ears all the things her soul is hungry for. If you ignore her, does she get quieter? Oh yeah? For how long? How long does it take for her to rise up again, louder than ever before? How long will you stop listening? How long will you wish her silent?
Her reaches and pulls reach you farther out into the depths of experience. Into the wildness of human life. We aren’t here for dainty living, most of us. If your path is straight, narrow, and lined with neatly trimmed edges, you aren’t going to learn a thing. We have to wander into the forest to gather more of who we are. We have to leave behind the path, get lost, get muddied, get leaves stuck in our hair. We can return to the path knowing what is in those woods. This way, we do not fear what is lurking behind the dark bushes. We know. We have been there.
I say, let the wild one take you. Let her moan. Maybe her desires conflict. Maybe she wants to throw the tent, the bag, the dog into the car at 10pm at night and drive straight north, for no good reason other than to feel her hair in the wind. (This is a very good reason, by the way.) Maybe she wants to plant a garden. Maybe she wants to become a painter of lily ponds at sunrise, in the fall. Maybe she wants to wear all purple, all the time. Maybe she wants to do all these things at once! Or perhaps she just wants your ear and your heart.
I’ve been listening to my wild one lately. Last weekend it took me away to the south shore of Lake Superior. It was a last minute decision. I felt Her rise up in me and it felt like my body was moving that way even before my head had time to catch up. Seriously, my hands started packing me up before my head had made the decision to go! Follow the body. The body knows.
The quick trip ended up being absolute magic, in many ways. I had so much to do at home, that a trip just didn’t “make sense”. But I visited the spot where I will be leading my very first retreat in the fall. It’s a wild and beautiful place, learn more and see more pictures HERE. Roots have been placed there in a way that I never knew possible. There were signs, gifts, and clarity all around. I hadn’t even thought to want those things. But this wild one knew exactly what was needed. We’re always rewarded for following her call.
Rawr!
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