When love lands in the body, it is not an earthquake. It is not a flash of light, stillness, and then everything is bright and good forever. When love lands in the body, it happens while you sleep. You wake up with it glowing between the strands of your hair. It happens in the unintentional pauses between breaths while you’re cooking dinner or washing your hair. It drops in between those sacred seams when the fabric of existence tears open, where you are lost in the mundane glory of your life. It goes unnoticed for a long time sometimes. When love really lands, it moves like seeds under the sleeping earth. The way those waking pods shake under the frozen earth right now, love begins its rise outward, toward the spring sun. When love takes up residence inside you, it is barely palpable. It is like the breathing a plant does. And slowly, methodically, through each cell of your sacred vessel, it spreads. Until you wake up one morning glowing and you don’t know why. But the whole room is golden, and your skin. The whole room smells like lilies, but you see no flowers anywhere. It is you. You have bloomed. Love drips from your skin now.
I experienced a good amount of heartbreak and disillusionment last year. And with the state of the world as it is now, I continue to experience both again and again. This has done something magical. Deep heartbreak cracks you in a way nothing else can. The proper devastation, the right blow with that unforgiving sword, given at the right time, is a coronation. I let the gutting take me last year (and am continuing to do so, when necessary). Each blow and crack feels like an opening to untended, unloved places in me that I’ve never before been able to reach. What an incredible blessing! And as long as I let myself feel it all, the medicine always arrives.
So I’ve been experimenting on myself. What practices, attitudes, energies, medicines are right for heartbreak and when? What is this process? How can I keep surrendering deeper and deeper to my life, to the world, to my ever-evolving and opening heart? How can I become softer, more tender, more in love? What are the natural, right ways to protect my heart from those that would do harm? How can I hone my intuition so that the heart can remain safe, open, and trusting? And so importantly, how can I forgive? How can I forgive deeply the wound and the sword, so that true healing and reclamation can live?
I’m going to be sharing many of these tools and this process in my upcoming Love Yourself eCourse. This isn’t just about affirmations, or bubble baths, or weekly massages, although it could include that! This is about real, in the body self love that pours out of your skin. Self love that rises from deep within you, from a commitment to believing your worth, your beauty, your light not because someone else is telling you about it. But because you have felt it. Nothing is real until we feel it from the marrow of our bones, outward. Everything else is hearsay. I’m not interested in that anymore.
I’ve realized this past year that to really know love, we must feel it, from our bones out. We must walk into the wound we’ve been avoiding, turn and face what we hate, fear, deny, can’t fathom. We have to give ourselves to the dark. We have to trust the wounding. That it holds our medicine. Lay down with it. Bless it. And watch the balm of love rise from within us. The wound is never bigger than love. It can never overshadow the love that exists as the core of your heartbeat. The wound is just the doorway.
And slowly, you see. How the right loving actions at the right times, the right commitment to your healing, the right support, bring the medicine you need. The wound cuts, you apply balm and rest. Repeat. And little by little, you begin to wake up with stars in your eyelashes. Then there is a sweet taste on your breathing that wasn’t there before. A silent joy that follows you like a shadow through your day. And this is how love lands in the body. This is how you come home.
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